Without You
by Archangel Barton
Summary: Things have changed for Sendoh since Rukawa left. Despite the freedom and pleasure, can Sendoh bear the pain? [SenRu]


Title: Without You  
  
Author: Archangel  
  
Pairing: SenRu  
  
Genre: Super Sap...  
  
A/N: This was made a long time ago and I don't know why in the world did I not post this down here. Anyway, dedicated to all AKML people and those who love SenRu. Thanks for reading my fics, by the way.  
  
Special notes To Fall-chan, never ever read this fic, promise me that...this is very far from what you think of me, okay...I don't want to ruin my...ehem...reputation!  
  
And since Fall-chan is a close friend of mine, I'd also like to dedicate this fic to all HakkaixSanzo/SanzoxHakkai fans! Hehehe!  
  
On to this disaster...  
  
Without You  
  
by Archangel  
  
Sendoh's POV  
  
10:30 PM says the clock.   
  
I'm back in my house.  
  
I walked past my kitchen, dirty dishes piled on the sink, the soy sauce, the flour, the pepper…everything scattered on the counter. It was silent.  
  
I walked past my dining room, no food to eat. It was silent.  
  
I walked past my living room, TV's off, no stereo, beer bottles thrown just about anywhere, pizza box hanging on my table. It was silent.  
  
I walked up to my room…my bed's a mess. My used clothes on the floor, bed sheets jumbled. It's all silent…  
  
And no one was lying there like it used to.  
  
No one waited for me to go home…  
  
Now that he's gone.  
  
"Damn this life I'm in right now…"  
  
It's been a month since Kaede moved out.  
  
I moved out as well…because now I'm in hell.  
  
He said he can't keep up with me - my lifestyle, my parties, my…the girls.  
  
Yeah, the girls. He can't keep up with it.  
  
Well, I'm tired from all the fighting as well. Those cold one-liners that smack me to the ground and a silent treatment that awaited me whenever I come home late at night. The tears that well up his eyes, struggling to come out. His groundless jealousy for all those…yeah, girls.  
  
I said I needed some space - and so did he.  
  
We broke up, yeah. That's easy to say…  
  
But painful to bear.  
  
I walked out of my prison…my home of infinite yet artificial freedom. I ran in the face of the violent thunderstorm.   
  
Everything was so painful to bear.  
  
Yet now that he's gone, I'm free to watch those sexy films Hiroaki gave me on my birthday. Or watch late night wrestling action without someone pestering me to go to bed. Now that he's not here I can watch those flying Chinese ninjas without someone switching on to a different channel…like the news, maybe, or some mind-numbing history channel.  
  
Now that he's gone I can eat decent food as well. My taste buds are sore from all those bitter-tasting overcooked foods…those sometimes salty soups and super sweet pastries. The tasteless juices…the sour salad dressing.   
  
I'm free to eat that triple-layered cheese pizza every night without no one to lecture me about fat and cholesterol build-up.  
  
Now that he's gone I can always come home any time I want. Submerge myself on my social life for all I want. Kiss the girls for all I want. Drink liquor for all I want. Drink coffee for all I want. Sleep all day for all I want.  
  
Because now that he's not here, there's no one to wake me up.  
  
Now that he's gone I can read all the books piled up on my desk. Not bothering about sleeping time or cuddle time, perhaps. Not bothering that he's waiting for me to join him in bed and talk about my day's activities.  
  
Now that he's gone I can place my things just about anywhere yet find it on the same spot in the morning. I can throw just about anything, anywhere I wanted.   
  
I can scream, shout on top of my lungs anytime I wanted…day or night. All that without someone scolding me for waking up my neighbors.   
  
Now that he's gone I can run across the house, crawl if I wanted to.  
  
Now that he's gone my closet can breathe and I can roll over my bed a thousand of times.  
  
I'm free to do what I wanted…now that he's gone.  
  
Now that you're gone.  
  
I guess I should be happy about that - to live the life that I was used to.   
  
Live my life the way I wanted.  
  
Do the things I wanted.  
  
Eat the foods I wanted.  
  
Drink the drinks I wanted.  
  
Sleep the sleep I wanted.  
  
Free for all I wanted…  
  
Yeah I can do that, but ironically that's not what I wanted.  
  
Because I want you.  
  
And I wanted you more than them, more than anything.  
  
And I need you.  
  
Thus, amidst the pouring rain, as drenched as I am in my current state. I knocked at your door. I need you.  
  
There was no answer, hence I knocked again…rather forcefully. I call your name.  
  
I called you again and again. My voice blending with that of the mad thunder. My tears blending with the rain.  
  
Soon you opened the door…saw me sitting dejectedly on your doorstep, hands holding my head as I look down on the wet ground.  
  
You called my name.   
  
"Akira." I looked around to find you.  
  
And from the mere sight of you, I know that you're all I wanted.   
  
You're all that I needed.  
  
And if life was easier without you, then I'd rather bleed from the pain just to have you.  
  
That's how much I love you.  
  
I dropped to my knees and looked at your eyes.  
  
"Come back, Kaede."  
  
You kept silent, waiting for me to go on.  
  
"I need you, Kaede."  
  
Silence.   
  
"If you think I can handle myself very well without you then you're wrong…because I can't. And if you think I'm happy doing the things I wanted well I'm not happy."  
  
I look at the ground and tears spill out of my eyes.   
  
I tried to look at him again in the eye.  
  
"Not as long as I have you. Come back, Kaede."  
  
From then, no words were said for he held me in his arms.   
  
And all I can do is to shed more tears. Those that I held back everyday since he left.   
  
***  
  
10:30 PM says the clock.  
  
I walked past our kitchen. Dirty dishes no more. The soy sauce, the flour, the pepper…everything well kept in place.   
  
I walked past our dining room. Food was left for me. I know it's overcooked…it may be salty or overly sweet but I'm willing to eat it.   
  
I walked past our living room, TV's off, no stereo, no beer can thrown around, no empty pizza box hanging on the table.  
  
I walked up to our bedroom…and I find my angel sprawled on the bed waiting patiently for me.  
  
I smiled and said, "I'm home, Kaede."  
  
And so is he.   
  
The End  
  
***  
  
A/N: Was this stupid or what??? 


End file.
